Fruit of the Spirit

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of hearing John Flowers speak at Kingdom Culture. Though I'm not exactly sure of what he said that sparked these thoughts, I know that since then I've been thinking about the fruit of the Spirit.

Galatians 5 says that the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. And for the longest time I've always thought that the reason that these were explained were because when I received the Holy Spirit, I received these as well. But now I'm beginning to see that this can't be an accurate view of these verses.

There are two problems with the view that the fruit of the Spirit comes when you receive Christ. First of all, not every Christian possesses all or any of these at any given time. And secondly, there are non-christians who oftentimes do.

So what I'm thinking is that this fruit isn't supposed to be seen in the same light as the gifts of the Holy Spirit (which are things which only Christians possess), but rather an indicator of the presence of the Holy Spirit. If I see a clerk showing patience with a rude customer, I'm seeing the Holy Spirit work in them. If I see a kid full of joy, I'm seeing the Holy Spirit give it to them. If I see a teenage couple show self-control in their physicality, I'm seeing the Holy Spirit at work.

This view is so encouraging. It turns the fruit of the Spirit into a highlighter for where the Lord is at work. It shows that even when someone wants nothing to do with God, He still wants something to do with them. Whenever you see one of these things, they're practically screaming, "The Holy Spirit is working here!"

Looking Like My Dad

My dad was a very hard working man. Sometimes he would wake up before everyone else in the house, go do a day's worth of work and still be back in time to cook us all breakfast before any of us even thought about getting up, and then go work a little more. I'm not sure I realized this as a kid, though. I always just saw him after dinner in his pajamas which consisted a green t-shirt and blue sweatpants. He would always put on his nightly uniform and then lay on the couch and watch some TV.

I was probably 8 years old when I realized that I too owned a green t-shirt and blue sweatpants, so one night, on a whim, I put them on and went to lay down with my dad on the couch and watch wrestling with him. We didn't really talk much, we just laid there together and watched the grown men in underwear beat each other up.

I thought it was awesome! So much so that I continued to do it nightly for a long time. My mom thought it was cute, and I know my dad loved it too, but there wasn't really anything seemingly significant about that time. Yet these still stand out as some of the fondest memories I have of my dad. I remember how much I loved imitating my dad and how great it made me feel to know that he liked it too. I really do hope and pray that someday I'll be the kind of man that my kids want to imitate.

These memories popped into my head tonight as I read Ephesians 5:1, which says, "Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children." This, like so many other commands of God, is a command of love, not a wagging of His finger. He's not saying, "Ya know, you really wouldn't screw up so much if you'd just act more like Me." He's our Father. He knows that just like, imitating my dad, brought me joy, imitating God will bring His children joy as well. And more than that, I doubt little more brings joy to the Father's heart than when His kids are trying to be just like their Daddy.

Jesus Changed Everything

Okay, so there's this one part of the Bible that has always bothered me. I've never been able to figure out what on earth it's talking about. It's found in Mark 2:18-22. It doesn't make any sense! First, some people ask Jesus about fasting, and then Jesus answers by talking about new and old garments and wine. What does that have to do with the question?

Well, I was reading this a few weeks ago, and the Lord graciously gave me a little bit of wisdom, and it makes so much more sense now. I could be wrong, so bear with me. These people come up to Jesus and point out that John's disciples fast and the pharisees' disciples fast, so why don't His disciples fast? Jesus answers by telling them that you can't put an new piece of cloth on an old garment, if you do it will tear. And you can't put new wine into an old wineskin because the wineskin will be destroyed (I'm guessing this made more sense to the original audience than it does to me, because I know nothing about wineskins.)

John's and the pharisees' disciples were fasting in anticipation of the coming Messiah, so when Jesus actually came, the whole game changed. It would have been foolish for Jesus' disciples to fast in anticipation of Him. He was standing right there. They couldn't stick to the way they have always done things and expect it to work.

We no longer live in a time of anticipation, but a time of action. We can't do things the way they've always been done expect it all to work. We can't take the religion that we're comfortable with and add a little Jesus flavor to it. If we do, the whole thing falls apart. This parable teaches that if we try to have Jesus plus anything else it leads to destruction.

And the thing behind all of those fancy words is that it's really easy to type them out. It's also easy to read it and think, "that sounds really good." But when you really think about it, those are pretty empty words because if all we do is take one set of rules and replace them with a new set of words, we miss the entire point. We can't just say, "stop waiting and start acting," or "live a radical life for Christ," because there's nothing in any of us to be able to do that.

Following Christ is all about the heart, not actions, and this is where the beauty of Christ really shines through. Christ teaches this parable best through His actions. He didn't take us and just put new "things have changed" patches over our old tears. He knew that that wouldn't hold up. He didn't try to fix us, He made us new! He set the example of not putting a nice coat of Jesus on our old self, by actually remaking us, free of our bondage to sin. And in that example, He gave us the ability to drop religion and truly live a free life as a new creation.

How can we be recipients of such an amazing gift and not live differently?

King Jesus

Sometimes I wonder why I journal everything that I do. I'll get these amazing thoughts, write them down, and then never look at them again. Maybe it's just because I remember things better when I write them down than I would otherwise. But, either way, on the rare occasion that I do look back at my journal entries, God typically reminds me that His truth is true no matter when I wrote it down. Here's a thought that He reminded me of.

I've heard Mark Driscol teach on how Jesus has three distinct roles: Prophet, Priest and King. Everything that Jesus does falls under one of those three categorizations. What this also means is that if we overemphasize or minimize an aspect of Jesus, we don't see Jesus as He is; we see a Jesus of our own making.

In my own life, I have no problem viewing Jesus as my Prophet. I experience Him naming my sin and convicting me to repentance. I especially have no problem viewing Him as my Priest. In fact, it's all too easy for me to view Him as the one who forgives and atones for my sin. But my problem becomes apparent when it comes as viewing Jesus as King.

Jesus is King of everything, and way too often I view Him as a just partner in my life; helping me make my way. But Jesus isn't my sidekick, He's my Master. He is sovereign over everything, especially me.

Viewing Jesus as King affects everything in one's life, but nothing more for me than my prayer life. When I don't view Jesus as King of all, my prayers tend to be pretty weak. It's only when I view Jesus as sovereign that I have the faith to pray big prayers, because it's only then that I see Him as capable of answering them.

Life as a Soundwave

God spoke the world into existence. If we can agree on this, this whole post will go a lot easier for you. In my head I've always imagined it going down this way: God had in His head what He wanted to create, spoke it, and then boom, there is was. But what if there's a lot more depth to it than that?

God is real. Like, really real. His reality is greater than our reality. We're almost not real by comparison. James even compares our lives to mist. When I speak, sound waves are created that carry a short distance and are put out in such an order that makes sense to the hearer. Maybe creation is just what happens when God speaks. Maybe the Earth is just what happens when God says "Earth." Maybe the sun is just what happens when God says, "Let there be light."

What if God is so real that right now we exist on the effects of His voice? When we speak it is communicated in a way that one sense can process it. Look around yourself. Everything in front of you from the chair you're sitting in, to the car you drive, to the food you've eaten, to the body you exist in is all there because of God's voice! God is so real that when He speaks, it effects every sense. His voice can be heard, seen, touched, tasted and smelled by us.

So with all of that in mind, I have one thought that's blowing my mind right now. If we can be this overwhelmed by an effect of God's voice, what's it going to be like when we actually see Him?

Happy Father's Day

I'm fairly certain that if you had told me this time last year that it would be mine and my brother's last Father's Day with my dad, I wouldn't have believed you. It's amazing how much can change in such a short amount of time. I've known this day was coming since I realized last week what day today is, but I still wasn't sure how I'd react to it, or if I'd even react at all.

It's all still so unreal. It will be four months this Saturday since my dad passed away. In some way it's hard to believe it's been that long and in others it seems like it's been unbearably longer. There are some days I think about it more than others, but I always miss him. And I'm thankful for the hope I have that I'll see him again.

My dad was such an awesome guy. The Lord could not have blessed me with a dad who loved me more than mine did. There's nothing he wouldn't have done for me and no sacrifice he wouldn't have made to make my life better. He dug his way out of poverty to provide opportunities for me and my brother that we wouldn't have had otherwise and we're the men we are today because of his example.

In his last few months, he would always go out of his way to come have lunch with me. He didn't feel like doing it. He would have been better off staying at home and resting. He could barely eat anything anyway, but still, he would come meet me at work almost every Wednesday and we'd walk over to Little Pigs and eat lunch together.

And he was such a godly man. He wasn't always this way, and honestly, one of the coolest things I've been able to see is how God changed my dad's heart and made him into the exemplary Christ-follower that he was. I pray to receive the same heart for evangelism that my dad had. He didn't have a plan for going door to door with a tract, ready to repeat the words he was supposed to say. He just knew what the Lord had done in his life and you couldn't stop him from telling everyone around him; whether they liked it or not. He was well aware of how much he needed the Lord.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with the father You gave me. And thank you for being my Father now when I need one so much. Especially today. You truly do know how to bless Your children beyond what we deserve.

Today, don't just go through the motions of Father's Day. Don't just tell your dad that you love him, tell him why. Don't hold any bitterness in your hearts towards him for things he's done in the past, but show him Christ's love (you aren't or won't be a perfect parent either). And call him tomorrow too and tell him you love him again just so he knows you meant it. You're not guaranteed to have your dad tomorrow, let alone next Father's Day. Make this one count.

Training for Godliness

In my head I have an idea of the type of man I want to be. To be honest with you, he's a pretty awesome guy. He's patient, humble, funny without being crude, bold, capable, and loving. He's a pretty godly guy. And when I think about how I can get from being me to him, the only way i can imagine it happening is if the Lord zaps me and changes me into him.

But I've never known the Lord to be a character zapper, so I'm not sure why I imagine He'll work that way for me. 1 Timothy 4:7 says very clearly that I am to train myself for godliness. This means that God expects me to be a part of the change equation. The only problem I have with this is that it means that I'm accountable for my own character. I really don't like this plan.

So what does it mean to train myself for godliness? I guess, first of all, it means getting the basics down and the basics, sadly, is getting sin out of my life. All of it. This is where the fruit of the Spirit comes in because that's where self-control comes into the mix. This is important, because, to be honest with you, the sins I commit, I commit because I want to commit them. So part of training for godliness is saying no to the things that at least part of me wants to do. I'm sure that's a huge reason why the Lord gives us His Spirit; He knew we'd still want to sin even after we were His.

The fruit of the Spirit is an amazing arsenal that we use to battle for godliness. When I'm attacked and tempted to sin, it gives me weapons to use to attain victory. And there's a tool for every situation that could come: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. These are the things we use to attain godliness. This is how I can become the man of great character I see in my head!

God is infinite, and that's a lot.

I'm still slowly rereading John right now and this morning I got to chapter 20 and read about Jesus appearing to Mary at the tomb. Verse 14 threw me a little bit, though. It says that Mary saw Jesus, but didn't recognize Him.

My first thought was that something about Jesus' resurrection must have changed Him. But that doesn't sit right. There are numerous verses that point to the fact that God never changes; specifically Hebrews 6:17-18. So why couldn't Mary recognize Jesus?

Let's say you've climbed Mt. Everest, all the way to the top. If you decided to do it again and started at the same point, it would still be a hard climb, but it would be familiar and you'd have some clue about what you were going to see. But let's say you went one hundred yards to your left to start. It would be a completely different climb. It's still the same mountain, but there are lots of sides to it.

One thing I'm starting to see is that God isn't just big, He's infinite! There are so many aspects to Him that's there's no way we'll be able to grasp even most of them. So if ever we see a different side of God, it's easy to react by thinking, "Whoa! That's not the Jesus I know." But, just like what happened with Mary, Jesus hadn't changed, He was just revealing more of Himself. If Jesus seems unfamiliar, it might not be a different Jesus, but rather, more of Him. God's character is unchanging, but it's also infinite, so there's a lot there to get to know.

Sowing and Reaping

I was really struck by John 4:35-38 this morning during my quiet time. Take a second to read it. In it, Jesus talks about sewers and reapers. I think that there's a skewed view of sowing amongst Christians. Reaping is pretty obvious. I can go to church most Sundays and see reaping taking place, but sowing is harder to see, therefore it's easy to get confused about just what it is.

As I said, when I see someone come to church on a Sunday and accept Christ, that's a very visible example of reaping, so it's easy to think that sowing was someone inviting that person to church. But rarely will someone's first step to God be coming to church. I never see the person who holds the door for someone having a rough day or the person who treats the server like an actual person at lunch, or the friend who shows Christ's love by being a comforter to someone suffering or the family member who has been sharing the Gospel and inviting the person to church for five years only to have them finally go when someone else invites them. Sowing is almost always behind the scenes and it isn't confined to just talking about the Gospel.

And Jesus, in these verses, refers to the sower and the reaper as two different people. The Lord might not allow me to lead to Christ those that I share the Gospel with. Like on my trip, I got to talk about the Gospel with a bunch of people, and not one of them seemed remotely interested at the time, but the Lord might not be done with them yet and I might just be a step in the process. That's the beauty of the Church being a body. We each have different roles and gifts for reaching people. On our own, we might not be able to make any impact, but together we can change the world.

I guess the beauty of all of this is that the Lord even allows us to take part in this process. He didn't have to choose to let us be His method for reaching the world, but He did. He has entrusted us with the most important job in the universe and that's a big deal. And it's pretty awesome to think that even if I don't feel like I'm making a big impact by bringing people into the Kingdom in droves, I'm still playing a part if I'm just being obedient and loving people and sharing the Gospel with them.

The Gospel, Salvation and Whatnot

I'm back for my first domestic post. Sorry it took so long. It's weird how I can make it a point to find time to blog when I'm always on the go, but now that I don't have tons to do, I find it hard to make time for it.

I've actually had some pretty heavy stuff on my mind lately, and after a conversation with John last night, I can't keep my mind off of it. None of this is me trying to answer the questions, I'm just trying to make sense of it all, so feel free to chime in your thoughts.

I'm really trying to figure out the Gospel right now. What is the Gospel? What I always hear preached is that the Gospel is that Jesus died for my sins so that I can be with Him. And what I gather from that is that the Gospel is salvation. But is the Gospel more than salvation? Isn't there more to a life with Christ than just being "saved"?

And to be honest with you, I'm not even sure I fully get salvation? How does one become saved? I keep hearing it preached that saying a prayer doesn't make you saved, but I've never seen it done any other way. And I know that Biblically that can't be the only way to accept Christ because there are tons of Christians in the Bible and there isn't one example of any of them saying any version of "the sinner's prayer."

And really, I can't stand the sinner's prayer because, working in youth ministry, I've seen it be abused as a fail safe and students "get saved" four or five times. I guess in their mind they think, "Oh no, I feel bad for sinning. God must be mad. I'd better say this prayer to make Him happy so I can go to Heaven." Granted, that's a gross generalization, but there is some truth to it. But as much as the sinner's prayer gets on my nerves, I consistently use it when I have an opportunity to lead someone to Christ. Almost as if I feel like it won't count if I stick with Romans 10:9 and they just believe in their heart and say with their mouths that Jesus is Lord, like it's on me to make it official. It's just a lack of faith on my part.

So that's where I'm at currently. I've decided to read through John again in hopes that the Lord will start giving me some answers. I'm not having a huge crisis of faith or anything, but I am trying to figure out what I believe and why right now. And these are really only a couple of the many things I'm trying to figure out right now. Feel free to throw some of your thoughts out there. I'd love to hear them.

Final Thoughts

Well, here I am at the end of my journey. Rome today and tomorrow, then a 19 hour trip home Friday (which I could use some prayer for). I've loved so much of what I've got to see and do these past five weeks. The Lord's favor has been all over me and I've seen it so much in so many little things. Things that I made sure to write down so I could share them later and brag on Him.

I'm not sure what I was expecting to get out of this trip. I went into it knowing that the Lord wanted me to go, but I'm still not sure as to why. But, He has taught me a lot. Tons about myself, and about who He is. I haven't had a huge supernatural experience or anything, I've just known that He's here. It's been pretty amazing.

And on top of the me stuff, I've got to talk about Jesus with a lot of people. For all I know, just one of those conversations could be the whole purpose in me going on this trip.

I appreciate the prayers I've gotten. I'm glad to be able to say that there's nothing that I've done on this trip that I have to keep a secret. That's a blessing straight from God because there were temptations and whatever prayer I was getting definitely kicked in. The Lord was taking care of me.

I'm so excited to see you all again. I'm excited to get back to NewSpring too! I haven't been to church in around three weeks and I can't stand it. I'm excited about American food as well. At some point, someone is going with me to Five Guys next week. Bless their hearts, they try to make hamburgers in Europe, but I'm not sure what happens between the trying and the happening, but it never comes out quite like food.

And finally, I can't wait to get back to Fuse! To be honest, I was getting pretty burned out. I was absolutely ready to quit and not look back, but God's given me a new passion and I can't wait to go full throttle when I get back with my guys.

I'll see most of you all Sunday night at 6 in Greenville, and to everyone else, just give me a call. I'm unemployed now so I have plenty of time. I can't wait to hear what's been going on in your lives this past month.

In Theory

Yesterday I went to the Battistero here in Florence. Primarily because, at the time, the line was shorter than the one leading to the top of the Bodacelli dome of the Duomo. It's a really simple place. It's actually relatively small compared to some of the other places I've been, but still, I liked it.

Inside, there was this series of three statues. A Levite, a Pharisee, and John the Baptist in the middle of them. The other two were staring at John with disdain and John was sporting his camel hair sweater and vagabond look. When I first saw that, my first thought was, "I love how God works." Meaning, I love that God chose the guy in the middle to usher in His son, not the religious professionals. This messy, homeless man was called the greatest of men born of woman. That's pretty huge.

But then it hit me, I'm not sure I really love how God works. I mean, in theory I do. But practically, I don't. I love how God works in other people's lives. How God can take the most messed up people and do enormous things for His Kingdom through them, and how He can so effect a well off, comfortable person that they give up everything they have to follow Him. That all sounds awesome, as long as He doesn't ask me to do it.

The Lord's been revealing a lot of the idols in my life these past few weeks, and I know that comfort is definitely one of them. The idea that God could ask me to give up everything and live the John lifestyle terrifies me. And what's worse is that living in poverty and having people think I'm crazy scares me more than the whole head on a platter deal.

So right now my prayer is that the Lord will reveal to me all of the idols in my life and to help me destroy them. I have no idea what He has in store for me, but I do know that I have things keeping me from fully embracing whatever my purpose is. And until all of these idols are dethroned, I'm not truly free serve God with everything I have.

Parlee Engleese?

So, here's an idea of where I'll be in the coming week. No funny comments as I'm tired and have only a few minutes of paid for internet left. But, needless to say, I miss you all and can't wait to see you when I return. You should probably come to NewSpring Greenville Sunday at 6 so I can see you.

May 2-3: Pisa

May 4-5: Florence

May 6-7: Rome

May 8: Greenville!

Leaving a Legacy

I've talked a lot over the past year or so about leaving a legacy. But, tonight it hit me that I have no clue what that even means. I was out exploring the city tonight and stumbled upon a really old cemetary. Inside were these huge monuments, most of which where from the 1800's. Some even had touching comments on them. In particular, the one that sticks out was to a pastor from his congregation in appreciation for what he meant to them.

But, the thing that gets me is that the monuments in this place are falling apart. They aren't being taken care of. I think the newest one I saw was from 1915, maybe. Nobody visits these people because nobody knows them. Very few people are alive who were also alive when some of these people were, and in most cases, it's been 100 to 200 years since they died, let alone lived.

And, if I think about this in my own life, I have no idea who my great-grandparents where. I knew my great-grandma when I was very young, but just barely. And, if I'm being honest, I have no real desire to learn anything about them, and we're just three generations removed.

So, coming back around to the idea of leaving a legacy, I have to wonder, does leaving a legacy mean being remembered? Really, I thought it did. I had imagined thoughts fondly remembering great-grandpa David as the man who set his family on a Godly path leading to countless people entering the Kingdom of God because of the family line. But that's ridiculous. First of all, that makes it all about me and how great I was. But, more importantly, I'm going to be forgotten. Someday, I'll be gone, and later everyone who knows me will be too. And what's left won't be my name. That won't matter. What will be left, however, will be the ripples I've created with my life.

Honestly, I want to lead my future family in such a way that the Kingdom is enlarged because of it. I want to bring great men and women of God into the world and disciple them. But my legacy isn't looking back at what I did. If that were the case, my legacy would only last a couple of generations and then it would be gone. But I want a legacy that lasts. A true legacy isn't about being remembered, it's about leaving an impact. Even if no one knows what left the crater, they can't deny it's there.

And I have such a short ammount of time to make that impact. I could be 80 years, or it could be 25. Regardless, it's not long and I need to get to work.

Scotish Thoughts

This has certainly been a very active week in Scotland, so I thought I'd take a minute to share just a few thoughts from my experiences thus far.

-I have always thought that the idea of the drunken Scotsman was a horrible stereotype. It appears that I was wrong. So far I've been kissed by a drunk man (on the cheek thankfully) who kept trying to usher me into a bar to let him buy me a drink, invited by a drunk man to go to church with him last Sunday (sadly, a day late) who then gave me an standing invitation to stay with him whenever I'm in Inverness.

-Scotland is a lot like the south. Everything's fried, everyone enjoys a drink, they speak with an accent that few other Britain's can understand, they have words that they always use that probably aren't really words, and everyone's a Christian.

-I've had haggis. Haggis is a sheep's stomach stuff with all kinds of goodies. It sounds gross, it looks gross, it even feels gross in your mouth, but surprisingly, it's not that bad. Though, the gas it makes you produce afterwards is something to be proud of.

-Seriously, everything's fried here. Haggis is fried, fish is fried, candy bars are fried. I'm pretty sure they have steamed vegetables, but they fry them afterwards. Scots should be a lot fatter than they really are.

Today is my last day in real Scotland. I head out to Edinburgh tomorrow, but that no more represents the whole of Scotland than New York represents all of America. These have been some of the most interesting days I've had in my 24 years so far.

I miss you all and can't wait for each of you to take me out to eat when I get back, one at a time.

Where in the world is David Fisher?

Sorry for the extended blog absense as of late. It's been hard to find free internet and I'm not a big fan of paying £4 an hour for it. That's close to $7, which is just ridiculous. So, just in case the problem persists I thought I'd give you an idea of where I'll be in the next week.

April 25-26: Stirling
-The home of William Wallace.
-I wonder if they'll look at me strangely if I paint my face blue and keep screaming freedom everywhere I go.
-I really hope that that's the norm in this place.

April 27-28: Drumnadrochit
-A town in the Scotland Highlands.
-Just a twenty minute walk from Loch Ness.
-I'll find him. No worries.

April 29-May 2: Edinburgh
-I have one week to figure out how to pronounce the name of this city correctly.
-I've heard upwards of 7 different ways so far.
-I'm sure the cities nice too, but I'm more excited about hearing people say it's name.

A Stupid American Mindset

One thing that keeps standing out to me is that no matter where I go, people are all pretty much the same. Sure, there are different customs and cultures on the whole, but if you look at the individual you'll likely always find people going about their everyday business, talking to friends and family, getting pissed off when things don't go their way, and trying to figure out why they're here on the Earth (or vehemently ignoring that question altogether).

With this in mind, one of the American mindsets that's keeps bothering me is just how much American mindsets bother me. I can see Egyptians doing nonsensical things and think, "they need to hear about Jesus." But if I see Americans around me doing stupid things, I just get annoyed; especially if that person claims to be a Christian.

The only real difference I've seen between Egyptians and Americans is that one is a lost people who think they're going to Heaven because they're Muslim and another is a lost people who think they're going to Heaven because they go to church and said a prayer or got baptised. An honestly, if your focus is going to Heaven, you've missed the point anyway. So, instead of seeing this in my own people and sharing and showing the Gospel to them, it's easy to enter into a thought pattern sounding like, "I can't wait to get out of this place so I can start loving people for Jesus."

One of my favorite people I've met on my travels so far is an Egyptian named George. He's a college student with an absolutely amazing heart. When he graduates in a few weeks, he plans to do mission work. He's not moving to another part of the world, he's getting an apartment right in Cairo. I was taken aback many times and challenged many more time by this new friend of mine and his heart for his own people. He sees the pattern of darkness in Cairo and rather than try to escape it, he wants to spend his life right there spreading light on that city.

So I'm in a weird spot right now (which is where I seem to stay). I'm loving getting to see all of these amazing places, but the more I see all of these unbelievable things, the more my heart turns to my own country and my desire to see American turn to Jesus. I have no idea what my future holds. I've given up on the idea of having a huge revelation in which the Lord tells me what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. He has always revealed things to me one step at a time and until He starts doing it a different way, I'm going to assume that's what He'll continue doing. But, for the time being, I think my calling is to my own country. When I get home, I plan to stay there. (Of course, it's a big country, so "there" could still be just about anywhere.)

Thoughts From Across the Pond

Is it weird that I felt more comfortabl in the middle east than I do in Europe. I'm not sure what it is, but I think I just miss the talkative people. Even though they typically were wanting to sell me stuff, it's always a good thing to have someone want to talk to you.

It's been a weird couple of days and I think one lesson is standing out: people are more important that places. I'm getting to see these amazing things right now. Today alone I got to see inside of St. Paul's Cathedral, walk down the River Thames and Tower Bridge, and explore the Tower of London. These things were all awesome, and I enjoyed getting to see them, but none of them really matter without people. I definitely miss conversation and familiarity. Comfort is definitely nice for me.

But a few thoughts come to mind over this. First of all, I'm not alone. Jesus has proven time and again that He's right here with me. I have my Creator and Savior right here next to me and I'm not even going out of my way to lean upon Him right now.

Also, I think I'm learning that I find my worth far too much in having people around me. People are good to have, and necesary, but I can't find my value in the number of people I have around me.

And finally, the Lord has given me the money and the means to come to the other side of the world. Maybe it's my turn to do something. He might not put everything into my lap. If I want to meet people, I'm going to have to go out of my way to make it happen.

These are just a few thoughts going through my head. I'd iron them out more, but I'm paying for internet, so no time to proofread. Prayer would be appreciated.

Those Crazy Kids

I think one of the coolest things I've noticed since I got into this country is the behavior of the kids. Kids are kids no matter where you go. It seems that childlikeness is intercultural. Whether I'm at Falls Park on a Sunday afternoon or in Garbage city, I see kids playing and paying very little attention to their surroundings.

That's not to say that these kids don't have issues. Some of them are playing in the streets because if they went home they'd be beaten, and others have no home to go to at all. But when they're really just being kids, there is no difference in how they act. From the American kids to the diplomat kids to the street kids, they all play the same.

I guess this is where I'm supposed to add the deep spiritual significance to this about having childlike faith and whatnot, but I'm not going to. Play with this and let it speak to you in whatever way the Lord let's it speak to you. And please, share your thoughts. But I just thought I'd share a short observation.

Egyptian Thoughts

I thought I'd give a brief glimpse into the grand scheme of my past week in Egypt. If I had to describe it in one word, the first one to come to mind would be uncomfortable. I'm just a sheltered, germaphobic, middle class white boy. It's uncomfortable for me to be in a third world country.

The bathrooms aren't as clean as I'm used to. The public bathrooms form a demonic force, the likes of which I've never seen. The motel room I stayed in this past weekend was unlike anything I've ever seen as far as crampedness and dirtiness. I don't understand the local language. The drivers are insane! Some roads have lines, but no one uses them. What would be a three lane highway for most is a 6 or 7 lane over here. There are no crosswalks, and people are hit by cars very often. So yeah, uncomfortable.

But, I feel like after a week, I've hit sort of a stride and am starting to feel a little more comfortable with my surrounding. God is definitely destroying my fear of getting dirty. And I'm glad He's doing this, because, honestly, you have to get dirty to love people. The smaller my personal bubble becomes, the closer I can get to people.

But overall, this has been an amazing week. I've met some godly folks who are out here doing a great work for the Lord, and I've definitely had my eyes opened to a world that I had ignored for so long. I've gotten to see the richest and poorest parts of Egypt and it's like night and day. What's sad is that there aren't too many Egyptians in the rich part. It's mostly foreigners.

One thing that's really shining through to me is this: Jesus isn't just ours. When Jesus was dying on the cross, He wasn't just thinking about Americans. I think, whether we like it or not, we tend to monopolize Jesus, making Him just ours. I know I do. But these Egyptians were just as fresh on His mind while He was on this earth as we were. We're not the only important people. God doesn't need us to reach the world. He allows us to reach the world for Him.

So, as you can tell by this hodgepodge of thoughts, there's a lot of stuff on my mind right now. Keep praying for me. God is definitely working on me on this trip. I can't wait to see what's coming up over the next few weeks.

My Mountain Top Experience

I spent this past weekend in a place called Dahab. It's sort of a beach town off of the Red Sea and was a very different and really fun experience. Dahab was on the Asian side of Egypt, so technically I've had my feet on four different continents in the past week, which is pretty crazy for a one continent guy such as myself.

Last night, my buddy Hans and I left Dahab got on a bus at 11 PM to head towards St. Catherine, which is where Mount Sinai is located. We pulled up around 1:30 and spent the next three and a half hours or so hiking to the top of the mountain. It was such a rough hike that revealed to me just how little I've been working out over the past few months. I had to take a breather more times than I'd like to admit, so I'll just say it was twice.

It was freezing and windy towards the top. There were a few moments where I almost lost it and took a tumble, but thanks to my cat-like reflexes, I was fine. Beduins live on the mountain, so we stopped at a tea huts that they run and had a couple of cups of Beduin tea to warm us up and they even gave us some Beduin bread as well, which is kind of like pita bread, only more amazing. I was actually pretty impressed with the little tea huts all over the mountain. Not one of them had a set up of Ten Commandment key chains.

We rented a couple of blankets to protect us from the wind and rain, then we set off for the top. When we got there, we found a spot that we thought we'd be able to see the sunrise from and prayed together to thank the Lord for allowing us to see this unbelievable place. We read a little bit of Exodus and then were then able to put that bread to good use as we took communion together. It was such an unbelievable experience.

And to top it all off, I got to see one of the most beautiful sunrises I've ever seen in my entire life. The clouds were just right to reflect the beauty of it all.

So I got to spend my Easter morning with the Lord and a good friend on one of the most important places on this earth in regards to the formation of my faith. It was here that the Lord revealed Himself in such a corporeal way that Moses was marked by His precense. It was here that God gave us His law. That law was the law the revealed to us our need for a Savior and set the stage for Jesus to come to us as a man, die for our sins and conquer sin and death. I'm so blessed that I got to rest in the heaviness of that. I genuinely can't believe that the Lord blessed me in this way. While I do miss getting to see my family for Easter, this is by far the most unforgettable Easter of my life. I'm so blessed. I love my Savior and Lord!

Philosophy of Mission Work

I would say that the Lord is changing my view of missions, but honestly, I'm not sure I've ever had a view of missions, so I think I'll just say that the Lord is forming my view of missions. I've gotten an eye full in the past few days and a lot of things are going through my head.

I have a new friend named Jon. He lives in Garbage City, which I talked about yesterday. He doesn't have to live in Garbage City, but in order to minister to its residents, he wants to gain credibility with the people, so he lives with them.

The first question that comes to mind is would I be willing to move to a place like that if the Lord commanded me to? But more than that, it makes a point clear. People listen to those who are like them.

Who's the best person to minister to an Egyptian? Another Egyptain? Who's the best person to minister to a Kenyan? Another Kenyan? Who's the best person to minister to a New Yorker? Another New Yorker.

I'm starting to see that mission work is more than than just the Church ministering to another culture; it's also teaching another culture how to minister. If you create a system that involves you serving and loving, you're creating a system that's built around you and one that will crumble when you someday leave those people. So I think the ideal is to create a system that will eventually no longer need you.

And I think that this system is Biblical. First of all, Jesus knew that the best way to reach His children was to come to earth as one of us. He knew that it would take more than prophets and angels, it would take Himself to save us and the best way we would listen to Him would be if He were, in fact, human.

From a more practical side of things for us, Paul shows us an amazing system. During his time planting churches, Paul would go to a city, become a part of the city doing work, cultivate a body of believers, start a church, raise up leadership within the church, and then move on to another city to do it all again, all the while keeping his relationship with that church active to keep them accountable. This accountability relationship is why we have many of the New Testament epistles. Paul knew that the Lord didn't need him in order for a church to thrive. He didn't create Paul centric systems, he created Christ centric systems.

So this is what's on my mind. Let me know if you have any thoughts.

Garbage City

I have lots of stuff on my mind, so it's hard to pick a topic to write about. But I'm sure I'll get to the other stuff soon, so no worries.

Yesterday I spent time in a slum called Masheyet Nasr, which in English is translated Garbage City. It was unreal. The place gets it's name from the fact that all of the garbage in the city is brought to there daily. To say that it stinks is kind of an understatement. The streets and houses are crammed full of bags of trash. Click the above picture to get a good view of the city in detail.

Many of the people in the city spend their days recycling. Each one has a certain product that they specialize in. One guy I saw, goes through every bag of trash around him searching for scrap metal. He takes what he finds, melts it down, beats it into pots and pans and sells them.

I guess what's so surreal about this place is the fact that this is their home. This absolutely disgusting place is where people live, have families, raise their kids, work, worship and do every other facet of life. It was heartbreaking. One thing in particular that continues to stick out in my head is a little girl that couldn't have been more than two years old, crawling around in the wet dirt road underneath a parked trash truck playing with her brothers. And she was happy.

It's odd because it's mostly Christians that live in this particular slum. We had a hard time getting the taxi to believe that that was actually where we wanted to go. The Muslims around here are scared of it because of all the Christians that live there, which I find kind of funny. Realistically it's because Christians are few and far between in this country, so they don't understand them. But it could also be that darkness tends to run from light. The smell might also play a part in it.

I'll have more thoughts up later on things God's put on my heart through Garbage City and how this trip is effecting my thoughts on missions in general.

The Things I Learned in Amsterdam

-Everybody smokes. I think it's a law. I didn't smoke and the cops gave me shady looks all day.

-There's a certain food that everyone was eating. Fries in a paper cone with mayonnaise globbed on top. They sell it everywhere. Everyone loves it. They are wrong. It is disgusting and a sin against a holy God.

-It's never too early for a prostitute. I had always thought that one of the perks to being a prostitute was not having to work a first or second shift. It appears I was mistaken.

-You should avoid the red light district.

-If you try to avoid the red light district, it will find you. There is no escape.

-When you inevitably end up in the red light district just look up. If you look to your sides, you'll see boobs. If you look down, you'll see boobs in recessed windows. If you look forward, you will make eye contact with a guy who will offer to let you see his girl's boobs. Trust me. Just look up and pray.

-There are many coffee shops in Amsterdam. Oddly, I didn't see anyone drinking coffee in a number of them and they appeared to be decorated as green houses.

-Pot is legal. But I'm fairly confident that they disguise it to confuse the Americans. I smelled it all day but I never saw a single joint. Sneaky Amsterdamians.

-Amsterdamians is a far better label for a people than the Dutch. I'm just saying.

-Every European guy dresses like Brad Cooper.

-The streets have bikes, cars and trains on them. Bikes will swerve to miss you. Cars will usually stop. Trains NEVER stop! You will die.

Pray For Me My Peeps!

I'm a huge fan of specific prayer, so I thought I might give you guys some specific things I'd love for you to be praying for me while I'm gone.

-Divine appointments: I want to meet the right people on this trip. God knew I'd be doing this before the earth was made, which is a pretty awesome thought. He already knows who I'm going to meet while I'm there and I don't think any of them will be by accident. I want to meet people who need Christ, Christians who need encouragement, and everyone else in between.

-Boldness: It's one thing to have those appointments, it's another to actually seize them. So pray that I have the boldness to seek people out and talk to them. Also that I'm sensitive to hearing God's voice and the things He wants me to say.

-A tender heart: I want to be better at loving people and I think this will be an amazing opportunity to learn more about what that means. Also, I want a tender heart to better be able to hear from my Father.

-Protection: Traveling alone isn't the safest thing in the world, but at the end of the day, if I keep to myself and play it smart, I'll be fine. Fine, but not very Christlike. So pray for protection, but also pray that I live my faith out in such was that I actually need it.

I'll be updating this blog whenever I can and you can also follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/D_Fish and you can send e-mail to me as well at dwfishe@gmail.com.

I'd love to have some encouragement sent my way as well as just hearing about what's going on with you guys. Send me some stuff I can be praying for you all about. My prayer life goes so much better when I have specifics to pray about and not just, "God, bless that person."

I love you guys and I'll miss you all. I can't wait to share all of my pictures and stories!

I Am Sent!

I had a really awesome moment the other night. God definitely answered a prayer that I prayed last year. I have some friends who, in the past year or so have had pretty ridiculous encounters with God. I mean, if I weren't friends with these people, I'd straight up think they were lying. But because they are people that I trust, I ended up being a little jealous of what they got to experience, so I started to pray for it. Specifically, I prayed for an Isaiah moment where God showed me His holiness and I would be completely ruined by it. And I was frustrated because I thought that because I had a good heart behind that prayer, God should answer it. But I've yet to read a promise in the Bible that reads, "If you really mean it, you'll get what you pray for it." I can be sincere, and still be sincerely wrong.

But I was having my quiet time the other night and God brought Isaiah 6 to mind, so I grabbed my Bible and went to read it. I read the first seven verses and remembered how much I had prayed for that, and then I went on to read verse eight and God just grabbed me.

You see, at the end of the day, if God had given me the moment I had prayed for, I know myself well enough to know that I could have gotten really self-righteous about that and started to feel holier than those around me. And even if not, I might have gotten a lot out of it, but it wouldn't have really built His Church, which is the whole point of spiritual things.

And the Lord did, in fact, give me an Isaiah moment, just not the one I was hoping for.

"Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?"
"Here am I! Send me!"

That's my mission. I'm not going on a trip. I'm being sent!

So no longer am I praying for God bring me to those who need to hear about Him on my travels. I'm being sent by my Master. I will seek them out.

I'm not going to pray that God will bring me Christian brothers or sisters to encourage me on my journey. I'm going to seek out my brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage them.

Being sent changes my entire mindset from a self seeking trip to a selfless mission. The world is not about me. It's my job to serve no matter where I am. So God has imprinted Isaiah 6:8 on my heart. I'm still going to pray for a moment with God where His holiness ruins me, but not as the expense of my assignment.

I'm not longer going on a trip. I'm sent on a mission.

The Most Important Miracle: Laziness

We don't get excited about things we don't have some kind of investment in. Last Monday I got to go see my favorite band, Gomez in concert. They coheadlined with Josh Ritter. This actually led to a pretty cool environment since half the people there didn't know who Josh Ritter was and the other half didn't know who Gomez was.

My friend and I were standing between two people. One was a 19 year old girl and the other was a man in his late 30's. As Gomez took the stage the man started freaking out and screaming to the band stuff like, "thank you so much for coming back!" and "we love you!" The girl was obviously a Josh Ritter fan who was hanging around for the rest of the concert to get her money's worth. She leaned over and asked me what the names of songs were (obviously just trying to flirt with me) and ended up leaving before their set was up (which, honestly, ruined any chance she might have had).

It was pretty clear that the man had been following Gomez since they started over ten years ago. He cared about them because of the time he had put into being their fan. You couldn't have made him leave early. The girl could easily leave because she'd never even heard of Gomez before that night.

The same could be said of why it's easy so often for me and others to be apathetic to people meeting Christ. Maybe the reason we act the way we're supposed to rather than react out of an excited heart is that we're not investing into the Kingdom.

Maybe the fact that the we've grown callous to the power of the Gospel is the Holy Spirit shining a light on the fact that we've segregated ourselves from people who need it. No one would appreciate a doctor if they didn't know about illness so how can we appreciate salvation if we stay away from those who are perishing? When I surround myself with those who need Jesus, I'll be all the more grateful when He saves them. When I care about the life saved, I can't help but celebrate the victory.

The Most Important Miracle: The Curse of Familiarity

Say what you want about the movie, but I love the book Watchmen. God's spoken to me so much through it and that's honestly one of my favorite parts about God because the things God has shown me have absolutely nothing to do with the author's original intent (go new criticism!).

In the second to last issue of Watchmen, Laurie is trying to convince the godlike Dr. Manhattan to come back to earth to save it from destruction. His speech about why he chooses to come back is beautiful. I'll share much of it in full:

"Thermodynamic miracles...events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive, meeting, siring this precise son, that exact daughter...to distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, is like turning air to gold. That is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle...But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget. I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from another's vantage point, as if new, it may still take the breath away." (Emphasis mine)

I think that salvation is God's favorite miracle. That's why He does it so much. But, sadly, if we see something amazing enough, it grows dull to us and we lose interest. Like a new toy on Christmas morning that is all but forgotten when the time comes to open presents the next year.

I remember my reaction to hearing Clayton's story of 2,000 students accepting Christ, or being at Fuse in Anderson when 100 students accepted Christ, or hearing Joe Sangl tell us that nearly 6,000 people had accepted Christ in a NewSpring service since we started. I clapped and cheered, but I fear that I cheered only because that's what you're supposed to do. I know that my heart has grown hard to the miracle of salvation.

We can't afford to get used to the unusual. We should never just expect this miracle. It's a blessing every time it happens, no matter in what magnitude it may come, be it one person or a million. This apathy to the abnormal in my heart seems to come from this expectancy that God will always save souls, like He owes us that. But this just paints me as a spoiled child who feels entitled to the very things that I'm bored with.

God doesn't owe us salvation. He doesn't owe us a single one. That's the beauty, that's the miracle. That's the thing that takes the breath away that we need to view with new eyes. That a perfect and holy God would pick out even one of His enemies who willfully murdered His Son and instead of punishing that person justly, He adopts him or her as His child. And then He continues to overly bless us by doing the same thing with millions and possibly even billions of others. God's love is gorgeous.

I pray that God would renew our hearts. That he would remove the callous on our hearts and instead leave us with a tenderness there to not just act the way we're supposed to act towards Him, but to react out of a childlike heart, happy to see his Daddy work.

The Most Important Miracle: Impatience

The first reason I think that we under react to salvation is our own impatience. Typically whenever someone is healed it happens immediately. There's immediate satisfaction. We like that because it fits how we do the rest of our life.

When someone accepts Christ, it's a lifelong miracle. There is a definite change in someone who accepts Christ, but really the only immediate thing you typically see is the person doing a 180 with their life. You will immediately see them change the direction they're going in. That's pretty dramatic, but it takes so much longer than that one minute to attain the Christlikeness which is the effect of salvation.

And this causes a lot of strife for a lot of believers. I know in the past I've gotten so frustrated whenever I messed up because I thought I was getting closer to "making it." I assume that all it takes is to pray to Christ, have Him zap me and I'll reach the perfection that He has planned out for me.

But I don't think that Christianity on earth is really about the destination. Once you have Christ, there's really no question about whether or not you'll reach the destination. The Bible says that we can't be snatched from the Father's hand. Once we're His, we're His and there's no changing that. I think that Christianity on earth is about the journey, as cliche' as that might sound.

God could very easily grant us perfection in a moment. We could attain the holiness that we as His followers desire. But I think that rather than just get slapped with a holiness arrow, and give it to us, the Lord would rather teach us holiness. And I think one of the main points of this journey isn't just knowing what it means to follow Christ, but experiencing what it means to follow Christ. I know that when I do fail, I appreciate the perfect life Christ lived all the more and that makes me desire to be like Him even more. And that will take time but it will come someday.

The Most Important Miracle

In the past year I've been privy to a lot of talk about and experience with miracles. Honestly, it's been pretty awesome. But it tends to be a slippery slope. It's so easy to have my mind always on seeking out God's hand and completely ignoring His face. It's easy to let my worship slide away from my first love and instead simply settle for the supernatural.

And one of the most unsettling things I've seen in my own heart in all of this is that it seems to be a lot easier to get more excited about healed bodies than healed hearts. Paul describes what is supposed to be of first importance to us:

"That Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that He was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance to the Scriptures."

What Paul says isn't signs and wonders, but the Gospel. Everything in our Christian life is to point to the Gospel. Healings and miracles are important only in that they point to the Gospel. But it's important to know that salvation, too, is a miracle. In fact, it's the only miracle that actually matters. What use is it for someone's legs to be healed if they're only able to walk confidently to hell? What use is it for a cancer patient to be made well if all they have to look forward to is a comfortable path to damnation?

So why on earth is it so easy for us to freak out in excitement towards healings and other miracles, but respond to salvation with excitement, but more excitement out of the fact that that's how you're supposed to react towards salvation?

I think I've come up with three reasons why we tend to under react to God's greatest miracle. Over the next few days I'll highlight these three reasons.

Baby Steps

It's been a while so I thought I might give an update on where I'm at for anyone out there who cares.

Last year I was closer to God that I think I've ever been. It was amazing how intimate of a relationship I had with Him. But this year things have been different. Especially for these past few months. I've been feeling pretty distant from God lately and am nowhere near where I was last year.

Last year was crazy. God showed me sides of Himself that I didn't know existed before then. I buckled down and disciplined myself to daily pursue Him. I'd lose sleep if I had to just to have time to spend with Him. I dropped other hobbies like reading and games and time with friends just to spend time with Him. And that's the difference. An intimate relationship with God isn't self-sustaining. It requires discipline and effort.

With the mess of things that have been going on these past few months, I've allowed myself to lose my discipline. And I'd love to just jump back in to where I was, but the truth is, it doesn't work that way. I didn't get to where I was overnight. I didn't leave there overnight. So I shouldn't expect to get back there overnight either. So what the Lord is teaching me right now is the importance of baby steps.

I'm not trying to have hour and a half long quiet times. I'm not trying to take three pages of notes on one verse. I'm just taking my time. If I just read one verse a day, but the Lord speaks to me through that, then I'm blessed that He chose to speak to me that much. It's all about discipline and baby steps back to my Father.

A Call to Prayer

I have a lot of things to say here, so bear with me. Dad has been in the hospital for four weeks as of today and things have been getting worse for the past couple of weeks. In fact, he's been getting a lot worse for the past year and the doctors couldn't figure out why. When they looked at his spleen after if was taken out, they found that he has lymphoma which is what is causing him to spiral downward so much right now.

It's bad. Dad might not be with us much longer. In fact, short of the Lord stepping in, there's really no chance of him surviving this. And that's my whole point of this post. I've never been in a situation like this where I've felt so powerless. I feel weak, broken, hurt and more at peace than I really should be.

The thing is, lymphoma, leukemia, breathing tubes, surgery, all of these things are God's light work. He can heal my dad with a whim if He wants to. So that's the first thing I'm asking. Pray HUGE prayers! Dad's still here and I'd like to keep it that way. The closer he gets to death and the more hopeless it looks, the more glory the Lord will receive if He heals him.

Yes, God still does "that stuff," so unashamedly pray that God would fully restore my dad. Pray with authority against the lymphoma and leukemia by name.

Also, for those closest to dad who read this, I want to say to you, it's okay to ask "why?" But just make sure you ask to right why. Don't selfishly ask God why He's taking dad away from us. The honest truth is, my dad is an amazing man and I never deserved to have any time with a good father, let alone 24 years. Instead, ask why God is doing this, wondering what greater thing He has planned. The Lord doesn't want to hurt His children, so if we're hurting, He has a good purpose behind it. I promise you, it hurts the Lord more to see what my dad is going through than it hurts any of us because He loves my dad more than we ever could. I've never died for my dad, Jesus has. So don't be afraid to pray and ask why. Just make sure you ask the right why.

Please, let's rally together and beg the Lord for the life of my dad. I have faith that He can heal him. But if He doesn't, join me in praying for clarity and figuring out what purpose there is in all of this. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." I believe this and I pray that you do too. So search out what good God seeks to accomplish in this hour.

And I'll leave you with my verse of comfort again:

"For this light momentary affliction if preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."

The Weight of Glory

So I think it's safe to say that the stuff going on with my dad officially sucks. He got moved recently to North Greenville hospital so that he could get physical therapy while he gets weaned off of the ventilator. He's getting better, but since he doesn't really have an immune system, we seem to always be one mishap away from badness.

But God does a good job of preparing His children for the trials that He knows they'll go through. And the day before dad went in for his first surgery the Lord reminded me of a verse He'd gotten my attention with a couple of months earlier.

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." 2 Corinthians 4:17

That verse is very comforting and reveals so much about the nature of God. God's glory has weight. I have a hard time even comprehending that. Here's the best example I can think of. If I have never been to the gym and go to the bench press, I won't be able to do much beyond the bar. But if I were to go a few times a week, then months later, I'd be able to lift a lot more.

God's glory is heavy. We can't handle all of it, but God wants us to have it. It takes God training and preparing us to be able to handle more of it. What might seem overwhelming at first, with God's preparation, can be experienced more easily. But God doesn't want us to be satisfied with a comfortable level of Himself, so He allows us to be prepared for more of His infiniteness (to create a word), and in the case of this verse, preparation comes from trials.

The hardest times give us the chance to rely on God more. The more we rely on God, the more we're in His presence and the more we're in His presence, the more we'll be ready to handle more of Him.

We can't be content with staying at the same level in our relationship with God. If we are, that's just laziness, and laziness is sin. So in order to get closer to God and to experience more of His glory, we have to be willing to go through crap.

As bad as this stuff is, if going through it brings me and my family closer to the Lord, then it will all be worth it.

The Details

In case you're wondering, here's what's been going on this past week. On Wednesday dad was supposed to go in for surgery to have his spleen removed, as the last post talked about, but things didn't go according to plan. They knew his spleen was big, but they didn't know that it would weigh 15 pounds. In fact, anything that could go wrong with the surgery went wrong.

Because of the size, his spleen had caused a lot of trauma to his other organs and there was a lot of bleeding inside of him. So after the surgery they moved him immediately to the ICU. He was put on a ventilator and had all kinds of fun machines plugged into him.

He ended up having a lot of fluid inside of him. In fact there was so much fluid in his abdomen it was cutting off his breathing. But they didn't know it was fluid and they thought it might be blood. So they told us that they'd needed to do surgery Thursday and that there was a chance he could bleed to death. By a miracle, he made it through it fine. Then on Saturday they went in to do the final surgery to close him up and take out all of the packing inside of him that they were using to stop the bleeding.

They were able to close him up all the way, and they thought they had gotten all of the blood. But because of the number of sponges and other things inside of him, they did an x-ray to make sure that they got it all. They saw something in there, but they couldn't tell what it was so they went back in. There wasn't anything in there, but because they went back in they found a spot that was still bleeding that if they hadn't caught it, they would have had to went in a fourth time to clear it up. I'm chalking that up to a miracle from Jesus.

Right now he's getting weened off of the drugs and the ventilator. Hopefully he will be completely off of it by tomorrow night or Wednesday. He's waking up a little now and will look at us and shake hims head when we talk to him and he'll smile at us too. He has pneumonia now, but they caught it early, so it shouldn't be as bad as it could be.

God's been so good to us. We've seen miracle after miracle and the Lord has been by our side the entire time. God's peace is all over the ICU. I keep hearing stories of God working in people's lives.

Please keep praying for us and my dad. I know that God can heal him completely! He still has cancer, so feel free to pray against that still.

Thank you all for the support so far through this! I'm so blessed to have all of you in my life. I love you all so much and I don't know what I'd do without you.

We Need Your Prayers

As some of you know, my dad was diagnosed with cancer around 6 years ago. It was primarily in his spleen and that's still where 80% of it is located now. It's swelled a lot and is pressing on his stomach, making it hard to eat and severely weakening him.

After years of chemo, this Wednesday at 3 o'clock he's going in to have his spleen removed. It's a pretty serious surgery and he really needs your prayers. Specifically he needs your prayers against infection after the surgery since his cancer has left him with a very poor immune system.

My mom, my brother, I and the rest of my family would really appreciate your prayers as well. I know I'm pretty scared at the moment. I'm holding tightly to Jesus right now, as is the rest of my family. He's brought us this far, and I know He'll continue to complete this good work that He's started in us.

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." -2 Corinthians 4:17

That just happened!

I just can't get over all of the amazing things that I got to see take place last night at church. So I thought I would throw a recap up on here since I want you all to rejoice in what the Lord is doing, not to mention that this blog is in major need of an update.

First of all, Sayan comes from a Muslim family and has been one her whole life...until Wednesday night at Fusegroup. She was told the Gospel by her awesome small group leader, Leslie, and accepted Christ that night! Yesterday she got baptized.

Back in November, we challenged our students to start inviting people that they know need Jesus to Fuse. Joe Harwood took this to heart and starting bringing David Wilson to church. David hadn't been to church since he was three but on December 7th he accepted Christ! Now he and Joe are tag teaming all of their friends and evangelizing their school together.

David got baptized last night and was able to get his mom (who hadn't been to church in over 30 years) and sister to come watch and they both accepted Christ last night too! His sister has been to Fuse before and was invited by Jessica Harwood. I think the highlight of the night for me was seeing Jessica dancing around the atrium singing, "She stood up! She stood up!" about her friend accepting Christ.

During the part of the invitation where you're not supposed to look around, I looked around and saw one of my other students, Ashby, raising his hand in the back! I'm ran up to him after the service to hug him, and I can't wait to call him this week and talk about it with him.

All of that, plus I got to see tons of our students getting baptized. The Lord is so good and faithful! I can't believe I get to be a part of all of this!

A Man of God

Sorry I've checked out on blogging for the past couple of months. I haven't been as connected at the hip with my computer lately as I've been in the past, so I'm having to remind myself to update this sucker. Anyway, on to the good stuff.

So I was reading 1 Kings 13 tonight and I got to thinking about the man of God it talks about. I'd recommend that you read 1-10 so that this stuff makes sense. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Good stuff right?

It's always been easy to envision this story going down by God appearing to this guy and telling him to go to the king of Israel and tell him that his enemy's kid is going to grow up and go all ritual sacrifice on him. Don't eat anything or drink anything until you get back and make sure you don't come back the same way.

But now I'm fairly confident that it didn't go down this way, and here's why: he actually did it. I just have a hard time believing that the above sales pitch would really make him giddy to go to the king. God knows how much we can handle and only lets us in on just so much. I think God's a bigger fan of faith than He is information.

I'm thinking the situation probably went down a little more along the lines of God telling this guy to leave town and head towards Israel. When he started to pack some food and water, God told him that he wouldn't be needing any of that. On his journey God provided for this guy who was probably getting pretty stinking hungry by the time he got to his destination and at one point told him, "make sure you come back a different way."

Once he reached his destination, God told him to head towards the palace and when he reached the doors, told him what he needed to say. After God had been providing for him for his trip to the king and having seen first hand how faithful God is, it probably wasn't as hard to say those things to the king.

Here's what pumps me up about that story (as accurate as it might or might not be): I think I'm on the same path. All I know as of right now is that I feel led to head to Europe for a month. I'm not sure why and, to be honest, I'm not even 100% sure where yet. It pumps me up to think about the fact that God might have something so huge in store for me that if He told me right now, there's no way I'd do it. He just might have something so big in front of me that He's got to take me around the world to prepare me for it or even to bring me to it. It's so exciting to think about the fact that I might be in the same position that someone who was only known as a man of God was once in.