Worth checking out...

I found this whilst browsing blogs this morning. Take a look at it, especially if you're in youth ministry. It kind of broke my heart in some parts and gave me some decent insight into the students we're wanting to reach.

I found the link here. It's a good site with lots of updates and tons of useful information for youth workers.

God is bigger than me

How much do you believe God is in control? That's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately. The answer I want to give is "completely." But if I look at my feelings and actions in situations, the answer ends up being "not much."

My behavior tends to indicate that everything depends on me. If I have someone in my life who isn't a Christian, it's my job to lead them in the "sinner's prayer" and move on to my next assignment. But what if God's plan for me in that person's life isn't to get them "saved?" What if God merely wants me to soften their heart to His love by demonstrating it in my own life, and then put the perfect person in their life to completely lead them to accepting Christ?

This whole idea that we're in control is prevalent in Christian culture. I've been working in youth ministry for around three and a half years, and I can't tell you the number of times that I've seen a student "get saved" 3 or 4 times only to finally meet Jesus years later. And I think this happens because well meaning people in that student's life believed that they had to do whatever it took to get that student to say a prayer to keep them from going to hell. And I should know, I was both one of those students and one of those well meaning people too up until pretty recently. I felt like if that person left church without saying that prayer, it was game over.

But here's what I'm learning: Salvation is about more than just the final result. Like everything God teaches us, it's a process. And it's a process that requires many people in many different roles. As much as I might feel like I failed if I'm not the one who leads someone to Christ, that role isn't always the most important one in the process. There's a lot of grunt work that has to be done in a person's life to show them the love of God before they meet Him; whether it's people He wants them to meet or events that need to unfold. Sometimes this process takes minutes, but, I think, most of the time it takes years. And it takes faith when your purpose is done to step back and trust that God wants that person to meet Him more than you do.

I had a roommate my junior year at Clemson that I had known since I was a junior in high school. He was a pretty fun guy; really laid back and easy going. But he was a typical southern christian who didn't know Jesus. So I'd talk to him about God whenever I could and I'd always invite him to church. I invited him to church for two years and he said he'd go a bunch of times but never actually did. This had worn me down a lot, so I had pretty much given up on the guy. But I got a call from him on Tuesday. He had heard the my grandpa passed away last week and wanted to check up on me and we talked for a little while. He told me about this girl he's engaged to and how her family goes to church all the time. Then he told me that he'd been going with them a lot lately. Then he told me that I'd be proud of him, he'd gotten right with God. And the more he went on to explain all of the differences in his life and what Jesus had done for him, it hit me: this guy had accepted Christ!

God had a purpose for me in his life. But it was just one step in the process of leading my friend to Him. God knows His children, and He knows exactly what it takes to get them to trust in Him. He knows what we need to go through to find Him. And He knows the exact right people for each part of the process that leads to Him.

Everyone has a story! And none of them begins at an invitation in a church service. And for the Christians, we all have a redemption story. One that starts in the hopeless despair of our own sin and ends in being gloriously redeemed and God calling us son or daughter. And all of our stories are interconnected. For some we play very minor parts, and for others we take the lead. But every part if absolutely vital. But for the times that we play the minor role, we have to trust that God is in control and His plan is much bigger than we can possibly conceive. We have to stick to our part in the story, even if we're not the lead. Besides the true star in every story is Jesus. He's the reason for every story anyway. We should never get over how huge an honor it is to be allowed in the same story as Him.

Also check out Josh's post here. It goes along with the idea of trusting God. His comment on Jesus coming to bring life to the dead that he made to some Europeans requires more faith and letting go of control that I think I have in me.

Unplugged

You know you're a sucky blogger when every blog seems to start with the phrase, "I'm sorry I haven't written anything in a while." But I am sorry I haven't written anything in a while. But hey, I know some people who haven't updated their blogs in months, so at least I'm doing better than some.

Just thought I'd talk a little about some stuff going through my head. This isn't meant for me to list off what's going on and conclude with a moral to the story. If there's a moral to this story, I've yet to see it. I'm kind of just full of questions right now. This is more of a way for me to put out there what my thoughts are currently, so if you're not into that kind of thing you might want to skip this one. I'll try to put up some more coherent stuff together this week.

I'm in a state of disconnectedness and confusion right now and I really don't like it. I do know that one thing God has taught me in the past week is that I've been finding my identity in all of the wrong things, which would be anything that's not Him. And I feel that He's been confronting me with the question of, "If this were taken away, who would you be?" And more and more I'm finding the answer to be, "I don't know."

God always seems to have a reason for the stuff He starts pointing out to me. So I'm thinking maybe the reason I'm starting to see all of this now is because of how finite these things that I've defined myself with are in my life.

I'm at a job that I could quit at a moment's notice. I live in a house that's a very temporary situation without a lease to hold me here. I'm disconnected from an area that so many of my friends are at and almost secluded to a place without too many real friends to keep me around. But one thing that's kept me here was the fact that I knew how poor my grandpa's health was and I wanted to be able to be here for my family when something happened to him. Well he passed away this weekend (and I'll have a whole other post dedicated to that later this week, hopefully).

I have absolutely nothing connecting me to my place in life right now. My heart's being pulled out of so many things that I've identified myself with for so long, almost, it seems, against its will. It's like my heart is just floating around, waiting for that one thing to be able to pour itself into. The problem seems to be that I don't know what.

I think I have what the puritans called a "holy frustration." I know that there's something more I could be doing for God than what I'm doing here. My main confusion is whether I need a big change, or I just need a new approach to what I'm already involved in.

Needless to say, there's a lot of stuff going through my head right now. Like I said earlier, there's no real resolution to what's going on, though I'd like for there to be. So for now I need a bunch of prayers from anyone who happens to stumble upon this. As for what you need to pray for? I have no idea. Maybe clarity or discernment? I definitely want to know what my heart needs to be in because right now it's just floating there with nothing to commit to.

Check this out yo!

Just stopping in for a bit today. This made me laugh a lot at work today. My coworker stared and asked me what was wrong. I hope it makes your day too.

I love God more!

Ha! Priceless.

My Worst Sin

God has been pointing out a lot of sins in my life lately. It's easy to get a little down when this happens, but I keep remembering that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Jesus isn't pointing out these sins to me to condemn me. He is showing me all of these things because He has a plan for me and I can't do it if I have all of these sins bogging me down.

But, as the title suggests, I think I have one sin that far outweighs the others. And it's not my sin of pride, my anger, my inclination towards bitterness, my need to be noticed, my ability to worship anything in my life that's not Jesus...(you see how I could go on and on here?) My chief sin comes into effect when I move my mouth but not my arms.

I have a problem of being all talk. I guess after four years and two different English degree programs, I've become pretty good at having a pretty eloquent sound coming out of my mouth. I can talk about ministry all day and inspire some pretty cool thoughts, but then go and do a completely half-assed job with my own ministry. I can talk about how much purpose I want in my life and how I'm done waiting and am going to start pursuing God's purpose. Then I'll pray a little harder the next day and eventually let it fizzle out until I'm back in my rut. I've even poured out beautiful words meant to inspire love from a girl and then go off and not even put the effort into trying to lead a godly relationship with her.

(Funny side note, there's one girl in particular that every time I even try to think about blowing romantic smoke up her butt to make myself look better, God steps on my tongue and makes me sound like a comic book collector in his thirties the first time he meets his girlfriend offline.)

But why is it that I'm like this. Probably for a lot of reasons. Primarily it's laziness. But also, talk is easy, actions are hard. Actions are risky. I can't fail at talking; typically because I'm talking about something I feel someone else should be doing. If I take action there's a chance it could all blow up in my face and my pride would take a huge hit.

Here's the kicker, I've realized I've had this sin before. I would get sick of it, SAY I was going to change, then guess what happened? Nothing! The very sin that I was sick of kept control over me. So rather than just saying I'm going to change, I'll tell you one specific way I'm going to change. Then, if you're reading this, I expect you to ask me how I'm doing at it. If I'm slacking off, you can smack me in the back of the head (once per questioning!).

I'm in a leadership position with Fuse in Greenville now. I'm over a whole house of leaders. It's my job to actually lead them which I really haven't been doing. So tomorrow night I'm going to ask them the best way to encourage them and the best times to regularly meet with them one and one to see how they're doing in life and in their relationship with Jesus. Then I'm going to start regularly following up with that.

Also, I'm going to find a person to mentor. God's told me to do that for some time, so it's about time I do it! And I think I know who it will be, but we'll find out. So shoot me a text or ask me when you see me. Hit if necessary.

P.S. Sorry mom for cussing, but there's really no Christian way to say half-assed. And there never should be a reason for there to be.

The Attempt Was All

I think that God likes to use non-christian authors to speak to me more than Christian authors. And I'm glad because they are typically much better writers. I got to thinking about this book by a guy named Ian McEwan I read a few years ago today called Atonement. It's incredibly highly regarded and considered by many to be one of the best books ever written. It was made into a movie recently, which I've yet to see, so this is all based off of my reading. I'm going to give away some plot details, so if you don't want to know any of that, maybe just skip to the last two paragraphs.

Anyway, I was thinking about this book this morning during my quiet time. The topic of atonement has been on my mind for the past couple of days and I got to thinking about how this book represented it. I've come to the conclusion that McEwan was dead on.

The book tells the story of Briony Tallis. A 13 year old writer in a wealthy family. Her 23 year old sister Cecilia and the housekeeper's son Robbie, who have always been tense around one another, realize that they are completely in love. While they "consummate" this finding, Briony walks in on them. This sight plus a rather explicit love letter from Robbie she has already read leads her to believe him to be a "sex maniac".

She later that same night walks in on her cousin being raped. Without seeing who was doing it, she testifies to the police that it was Robbie. This sets into motion events that leads to Cecelia becoming estranged from her whole family because no one believes in Robbie's innocence, and her never talking to Briony again. Also to Robbie going to prison for three years, then to the army in World War 2 where he dies; forever separating himself from Cecelia. This one act destroys an entire family.

Briony spends the rest of her life trying to make up for what she's done. She serves as a war nurse under a cruel boss. She stays because she believes she deserves the punishment. Her whole life is consumed with atoning for her sin. Finally we see that she has been the author of the book we've been reading. She plans to release it as soon as all of those who were involved are dead become the actual rapist is very powerful and could sue her for libel. But she knows that even releasing the truth will not atone for what she's done. But she never intended it to. On her own, she could not find atonement. She explains, "the attempt was all." Her whole point wasn't to make things right, but to try to make things right.

This is such a beautiful allegory of life without Christ. My sin is egregious. It maligns the name of my Father and destroys His perfect family. On my own, I could try to suffer enough to try to make up for my sin but that wouldn't accomplish it. I could try do enough good things to win my way back onto His good side. But God doesn't hold a set of scales for me to throw my deeds onto, hoping the good will outweigh the bad. I could even just keep the weight of my sin and hope that my Father will see how it hurts to carry the load. But none of this would remove what I've done.

Simply put, God has been wronged and He deserves blood. That's the only way to atone for what's been done against Him. And this is where we see the full beauty and depth of God's love. In Jesus, He gets His blood. There's no taking away what's been done, so God takes the wrath required to right the wrong and puts it on His son to save we who are so undeserving of such an act. No attempt at atonement will ever be more than just an attempt. Only through the blood of Christ are we truly atoned. And this is incredibly beautiful.

Building the Kingdom

In 2 Corinthians 2:14 it says, "But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere."

Now upon first reading of this, I thought, "Cool, whatever God has in store for me, there's already someone there who's spreading the fragrance of God and preparing for me to get there." Which I think is true, and absolutely amazing. But here's an even better thought. Right now, I'm spreading the fragrance of God for someone else. God is using me to prepare the way for someone else's purpose.

I love how interconnected God has created us to be. I might never see the fruits of some of the things God is doing through me right now, and that's okay because I'm not supposed to. That's for someone else to reap.

This also creates a real conviction for me. I know that I don't want anyone who's preparing the way for me to do it half-heartedly. So I need to do others the same courtesy. I can't afford to be lazy with my life. The Kingdom depends on its citizens to build for one another.

In my winter He still pursues me

In my winter He still pursues me.
When all is barren and death surrounds me
Still He fights for my soul.

When heavy snow freezes the soil
He draws my roots deep.
When the ground thaws
Powerfully they will hold me up.

Though cold and darkness clothe me
He blankets me in His truth.
Like a warm shower
His love pours over me.

Beneath my winter awaits spring
Cocooned.

From the coldness of death, life will break free.
Forgotten strength will be restored.
Warmth will erupt from the sun.

And in my spring, still He will pursue me.

Christmas Preparations

I'm ridiculously excited about Christmas this year for some reason.  I was talking to a lady at church tonight about how the cold weather got me excited about Christmas time.  And she told me she was never really into Christmas too much.  But then again, this will be her first year as a believer.  She said, "I'll actually be able to celebrate Christmas for the first time."

Way too often I forget that there's a world out there that doesn't know Christ.  I take for granted that I get to celebrate Christmas, not just go through Christmas rituals.  It's so incredibly humbling to know that.  And there's a world of people around me who could be just like this lady who got an invite to church and God used an awesome guy in an elf suit to get her attention and set her up to receive Christ last Christmas eve.

I hope that God puts me in the right place over the next couple of months so that people in my life who don't know Christ can celebrate Christmas this year for the first time.