Fun Facts About Women

I'm a people watcher. I try to refrain from making that known too often, because, quite frankly, there's a very fine line between people watching and stalking. If I go to a coffee shop with a book for a couple of hours, I'll probably spend thirty minutes reading and the other hour and a half looking a folks. Part of that is because I love seeing how people react to one another; it's always very telling about who they are. It could also be that, though I've never been tested and diagnosed, I'm pretty sure I have, at least, light ADD. So whenever I'm sitting there and someone walks by, it takes considerable effort to not look up and see who it is. Another contributing factor could be that I'm kind of a creeper. Who knows?

Either way, I'd like to share one of my findings from my creepy, ADD induced social observations: Women who love the Lord are hotter than women who don't. It's what they call in the social sciences: the Spiritual Gift of Hotness. I can't explain all of the reasons why it's true, but I'm pretty sure I have a basic formula for some of the surface level hotness.

Smiling people are more attractive. If there are two attractive women sitting side by side and one of them is mopey and the other is cheery (I think I'm on my way to creating seven alternative dwarfs that won't get me sued), the happier of the two is always more attractive. So my formula goes like this:

If Smiles=Hotter, and Christian Woman=Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit=Joyful, Joyful=Smiles, then Christian Woman=Smiles, therefore Christian Woman=Hotter.

I'm still working on getting this published in a reputable journal but I'm pretty sure in the next few years this will be pretty widely accepted. Since non-christian women do actually smile, this isn't a foolproof wife finding formula, so don't treat it as such. There are a number of different factors. And as I've established before, Christians are really weird. Christian guys in particular. So things that we find hot are bound to be different from more "normal" guys. But the smile's all I have figured out at this point. Sure, it could have something to do with the fact they these women realize that they need Jesus instead of you and for some reason that's attractive. But for now, I don't have a formula for that one. Check back with me in a few weeks.