Recently some very important information has fallen into my services and I wish to share it with those who choose to read and take advantage of it. Apparently there are incorrect ways to eat a burrito which could lead to disaster regarding one's masculinity. So, in order to save my readership from a world of grief, I feel it is my obligation to enlighten.
First of all, regardless of it's size, the burrito is to be held with both hands at all times.
Secondly, one is never to bite from the top down. The correct biting prioties are as follows:
-Right corner.
-Left corner.
-Center.
-Repeat.
And finally, it is common knowledge that sour cream is an important ingredient in a burrito. There is nothing wrong with this sour cream and it can, in fact, prove quite delicious. However, It is of the utmost importance that when (not if) said sour cream emmerges from the top of one's burrito to simply continue to eat in ignorace of it, never bringing it to light in the conversation one is having over the aforementioned burrito.
I hope that my past folly will in some way impact others in a way that could save from quite a bit of misunderstanding.
June Portrait
7 years ago
1 comment:
Also:
you can hold the burrito in one hand as long as:
a) you don't switch hands
b) you eat the burrito from only one side, at a diagonal
c) you ignore any stray bits of burrito that fall onto your person
d) you don't make eye contact with someone while taking a bite
That last one is very important. You actually need to look away from someone when going to take a bite. You can look at the table or a cumpled napkin. The burrito wrapper, if it came in one. Nothing else.
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