The Attempt Was All

I think that God likes to use non-christian authors to speak to me more than Christian authors. And I'm glad because they are typically much better writers. I got to thinking about this book by a guy named Ian McEwan I read a few years ago today called Atonement. It's incredibly highly regarded and considered by many to be one of the best books ever written. It was made into a movie recently, which I've yet to see, so this is all based off of my reading. I'm going to give away some plot details, so if you don't want to know any of that, maybe just skip to the last two paragraphs.

Anyway, I was thinking about this book this morning during my quiet time. The topic of atonement has been on my mind for the past couple of days and I got to thinking about how this book represented it. I've come to the conclusion that McEwan was dead on.

The book tells the story of Briony Tallis. A 13 year old writer in a wealthy family. Her 23 year old sister Cecilia and the housekeeper's son Robbie, who have always been tense around one another, realize that they are completely in love. While they "consummate" this finding, Briony walks in on them. This sight plus a rather explicit love letter from Robbie she has already read leads her to believe him to be a "sex maniac".

She later that same night walks in on her cousin being raped. Without seeing who was doing it, she testifies to the police that it was Robbie. This sets into motion events that leads to Cecelia becoming estranged from her whole family because no one believes in Robbie's innocence, and her never talking to Briony again. Also to Robbie going to prison for three years, then to the army in World War 2 where he dies; forever separating himself from Cecelia. This one act destroys an entire family.

Briony spends the rest of her life trying to make up for what she's done. She serves as a war nurse under a cruel boss. She stays because she believes she deserves the punishment. Her whole life is consumed with atoning for her sin. Finally we see that she has been the author of the book we've been reading. She plans to release it as soon as all of those who were involved are dead become the actual rapist is very powerful and could sue her for libel. But she knows that even releasing the truth will not atone for what she's done. But she never intended it to. On her own, she could not find atonement. She explains, "the attempt was all." Her whole point wasn't to make things right, but to try to make things right.

This is such a beautiful allegory of life without Christ. My sin is egregious. It maligns the name of my Father and destroys His perfect family. On my own, I could try to suffer enough to try to make up for my sin but that wouldn't accomplish it. I could try do enough good things to win my way back onto His good side. But God doesn't hold a set of scales for me to throw my deeds onto, hoping the good will outweigh the bad. I could even just keep the weight of my sin and hope that my Father will see how it hurts to carry the load. But none of this would remove what I've done.

Simply put, God has been wronged and He deserves blood. That's the only way to atone for what's been done against Him. And this is where we see the full beauty and depth of God's love. In Jesus, He gets His blood. There's no taking away what's been done, so God takes the wrath required to right the wrong and puts it on His son to save we who are so undeserving of such an act. No attempt at atonement will ever be more than just an attempt. Only through the blood of Christ are we truly atoned. And this is incredibly beautiful.